I regret to inform you that I was not able to leave an Easter basket for you this year. The reason or reasons are stated below. If you wish to appeal
this decision, please address all correspondence to General Delivery, The Bunny Trail. Appeals will be reviewed before the next holiday cycle. Fees may
__ Carrot was not left, or carrot provided was substandard (e.g.: rotten, genetically modified or a "baby carrot.")
__ Our records indicate that during the previous calendar year, you ate Hasenpfeffer (rabbit stew).
__ You're Jewish.
__ RabbitScan 3000 Surveillance has indicated you are in possession of one of more of the following: rabbit fur coat, rabbit gloves, "lucky" rabbit's
__ You sided with Farmer McGregor in the tale of Peter Rabbit.
__ Aggressive pets.
__ Upon emerging from the Bunny Trail for delivery, rabbit found subject to be awake. Easter Bunny rules state that all parties must be asleep before
baskets may be delivered as scheduled.
__ Eggs provided for hiding were colored sloppily or lazily.
__ According to Easter Bunny protocol, any household that failed to find all eggs during the previous year's hunt will be subject to skipped baskets
the following year. (Two years if egg was subsequently "found" by lawnmower.)
__ It has been discovered that you no longer believe in the Easter Bunny, or that you professed to younger believers that the bunny is "not real."
The Easter Bunny